


E Hoʻomanaʻo (To Remember)

by SapphirePearl1718



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alcohol, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hangover, Steve is a marshmellow, painful memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24178222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphirePearl1718/pseuds/SapphirePearl1718
Summary: On the anniversary of his old partner from New Jersey, Grace asks Danny a question that he has been dreading to hear.Warning: some language and alcohol
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	E Hoʻomanaʻo (To Remember)

**Author's Note:**

> I always wondered how Danny dealt with the 9/11 anniversary and when Grace asks about who she was named after. Hope you enjoy!

It was that time of year again. September 11 and it is a day Danny Williams dread every single year. He can’t help but relive that day in full technicolor and it always puts him in a depressed mood. He tried to keep himself extremely busy so that he doesn’t even have a moment where the memories sneak in.

So, he finds himself up extremely early, before even the sun has risen. His partner, Steve McGarrett, would be so proud of him. Danny sighs as he drags himself out of bed and changes into his workout clothes. He drinks down a glass of water before he locks up his rental house and begins to run.

He only focuses on his breathing and the sound of his feet pounding the concrete. Any time an unwanted thought or memory popped up, he would push himself to run faster, forcing him to focus on the present moment.

When Danny finally gets tired enough, he stops and rests at a small outlook of the ocean. The morning sunlight danced across the waves in a hypnotic pattern. The position of the sun told Danny that he had been running for about an hour and a half. He was physically exhausted already but he knew that he needed to get home to clean up and head to work.

It took him longer to get home, but he managed to arrive with just enough time to jump in the shower, dress and jump in the car to head to Lolani Palace.

Of course, Steve was already there when Danny walked in. He went straight to the break room and filled a mug of coffee. He kept glancing at his partner’s office, hoping that he didn’t notice him and decide to talk to him. Despite him being verbose, he really didn’t feel like speaking much today.

Danny, mug of coffee in hand, made a quick bee line to his office. He had just placed his hand on his office door, when he heard the front doors open. “Danny, howz it?” Kono’s voice made Danny cringe.

“Hey, Kono.” He said turning to her as he opened his office door. “Listen, I have a lot of work to do, so chat later?” He made his escape before she could respond. He sat down and immediately booted up his tablet and files. He buried himself in his work, ignoring anything that was happening outside of his office.

Danny had been working for several hours before his office door opened. He glanced up and saw Steve walk up to his desk and pick up his tablet. 

“Hey! You neanderthal animal, I was working on that!” Danny found that the easiest way to be left alone was to lash out quickly and maliciously. 

Steve stared at him for a moment in surprise. “Good morning to you too. Or should I say good afternoon.”

Danny blinked in confusion and pulled his phone out to look at the time. He was surprised that it was almost 2:00. He sighed as he ran a hand over his face and realized that he was getting a headache.

“What’s up with you? You snuck in here, yes, I did see you when you came in. And you blew off Kono when she came in. You’ve been in here for hours, haven’t eaten anything and you’re being snappy. What’s going on?” Steve listed everything on his fingers, before placing the tablet down so he could cross his arms.

Danny narrowed his eyes. So he could glare, not because of the forming headache. “Nothing is going on, Steve. I just have a lot of work to do and I didn’t sleep well last night. That’s it.”

Steve let out a deep breath. “Ok, that is a lie. You being quiet and avoiding everyone tells me that there is something. Now, what is it?”

Before another word could be spoken, Danny’s cell phone rang. He looked at it and almost growled out loud when he saw it was Rachel. He picked it up and hit the answer button. “Yes, dear.” He snapped.

“Ok, first of all, you don’t get to call me that anymore, Daniel.” his ex-wife’s voice snipped into his ear. “Second, I need you to go pick up Grace.”

“Ok, not that I’m complaining, but why can’t you? It’s your day.”

“I’m currently stuck in traffic on the other side of the island and I am running late for an appointment.”

“What appointment?” He felt the beginnings of worry bubble in his chest.

“Something I have to do with a friend which is none of your business.” Rachel snapped at him.

The worry dissipated. “Ok, ok, fine. I’ll go get her and drop her off after dinner.”

“8 o’clock. Not one minute later.” Then the call ended.

Danny sighed as he grabbed his keys and stood up. “Sorry, I have to go. Apparently, Rachel is busy so I have to go get Grace.” He slipped around his partner and to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that said, he left as fast as he could to his car.

~S~

Steve watched his partner practically run from the office. The Detective was usually much more meticulous about locking up for the day, but today he left without locking anything up. He glanced at the files scattered all over the desk except for the space that the tablet and keyboard had been sitting at.

The SEAL decided to help and straighten up the desk by stacking half the files on one side and the other half on the other. He checked the tablet to make sure it locked before returning to its place. Then he made sure the filing cabinets were locked before turning out the lights and leaving.

Chin was at the computer table when he walked out and the older man lifted an eyebrow. “Is Danny ok?”

Steve sighed as he stopped next to Chin. “I don’t know, but I want to say that something is bothering him and he doesn’t want to talk at all.”

“Has he eaten anything today?”

Steve thought for a moment, replaying the day through his head. “When he walked in this morning he was walking slower than normal. His hair was still damp. My guess is he was exercising this morning. He didn’t eat anything for lunch...I’m going to guess he hasn’t had anything at all today...Now that I think about it, he was surprised that it was the afternoon.”

The older man frowned in concern. “Should he be driving?”

“Probably not, but he’s already gone.” Steve thought as he glanced at his watch. “I’ll swing by his place after work and check on him.”

Chin nodded and pressed a few buttons on the table. “Well, here’s what I got on the cold case Kono and I have been working on.”

Steve let his worry for Danny fade into the background as he listened to Chin about the case.

~S~

Danny pulled up to Grace’s school and sighed. He felt beyond exhausted and slightly lightheaded. He grimaced when he realized that it was most likely because he hasn’t eaten anything or drank any water today.

The passenger door opened and Grace bounced into the car. The 11 year old smiled at her father, happy to see him after her mom texted her that her Danno was picking her up. “Hi, Danno.”

The Detective smiled back, even though it was a little more forced than usual. “Hey, Monkey, how was your day?” 

She grinned. “It was good. Molly told me that they were going deep sea fishing this weekend. Could we do that some time?”

Danny sighed. He still hated the ocean and tried not to go into it very often. The idea of fishing out in the ocean again after his experience earlier in the year with Steve still made him bristle. However, he couldn’t deny his daughter if she wanted to go.

“We’ll see. I can ask Uncle Steve if he will take us one weekend.”

Grace cheered happily and the rest of the drive was spent with her telling him what Molly and Tommy, Danny still disliked that boy, said to her.

They arrived at Danny’s home and he immediately went to make dinner. Grace was still hounding him about eating healthier and less take out. He decided to make a simple spaghetti dinner with vegetables.

He gathered everything he would need while Grace spread her homework out on the table. He was chopping some tomatoes when Grace looked up from her homework.

“Danno, why did you name me Grace?” His daughter had been taught to never be afraid to ask questions, no matter how hard the question.

Danny missed his next slice and slightly cut his finger. Silently cursing, he put his hand under running water and looked at his daughter. “Where did this come from?”

She thought for a moment. “Well, in my english class we were talking about names and word roots. Mr. Clarkson said that sometimes parents give names to their kids honoring someone or representing an event. Was my name one of those?”

Danny sighed as tears threatened to spill over. He had to clear his throat and blink furiously to clear his vision. Of course, the one day he wanted to avoid this memorable day, Grace is asking a very hard question. However, he promised that he would never lie.

He strengthened his emotional wall and turned off the water. Grabbing a paper towel, he wrapped his finger in it and put pressure on it while he sat across from Grace.

“When you were born, your mom and I agreed to name after someone very special to me.” He said, forcing himself to focus on the moment and not the horrible memories trying to crop up.

Grace was looking at him attentively. “Who was that?”

Danny took a deep breath and fortified himself more. “Well, before we found out your mom was pregnant with you, I worked with a really great partner. Her name was Grace Tilwell. She was one of my closest friends. She was smart, funny and a quick study.”

“What happened to her? I never met her.”

The pain and guilt that stabbed Danny in the gut came out of nowhere. “That’s because she died before you were born.”

“What happened?” Grace had a very sad look on her face.

“Well, about 11 years ago, we were working a case. We tracked the bad guys to a warehouse and things didn’t go well. She was killed while trying to help me catch them.”

His daughter looked down. “Oh, that’s really sad.” She paused a moment before looking up. “Would we have been good friends?”

“Yes, Monkey. I think she would have loved you very much. She loved kids and was very excited when she found out about you.” The pain and guilt increased tenfold and he almost lost his resolve right in front of Grace.

She nodded and then she came around the table to give him a hug. “Thanks for telling me.”

He gave her a kiss and gave a weak smile. “Of course, Monkey. You should feel very honored. You remind me of her some days.”

Grace smiled and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “Can we have dinner now?”

Danny nodded as he stood up. “Yeah, let me take care of this cut and I’ll finish up, ok?”

She nodded and went back to her homework. Danny sighed and headed to the bathroom to clean his cut.

A few minutes later, he was back in the kitchen finishing dinner and as he reached for some spices, a large bottle of whiskey caught his eye in the back of the cabinet.

~S~

Steve finally left the office around 10:00. He received a call around 5 that HPD needed help on ending a hostage situation. That lasted three hours and then another two hours to get paperwork started. Now he finally was free to go check on his partner.

As he drove, Steve glanced at the switch that would activate the lights and sirens on his truck, tempting him to turn it on just so he could get there faster. He resisted and drove like a “civilized person” as his partner would say.

He finally pulled up next to Danny’s house and parked the truck. Steve remembered being so relieved that his partner finally found a decent place to live. He still remembered the apartment that Danny rented when they first met. It made his skin crawl even to this day.

Steve walked up to the front door and noticed the lights were off, but the flicker of a tv could be seen through the curtains. This indicated that Danny was still up or at least in the living room. He knocked on the door and waited. After a minute, he pounded on the door louder.

“Danny, it’s Steve. Open up, buddy.” He counted 30 seconds before speaking again. “I’m not leaving before we talk, Daniel. If you don’t open this door, I’m going to use the key.” After a few more moments, he dug his keys out. “Ok, I’m using the key.”

He unlocked the door and stepped in. As soon as he closed the door his eyes immediately looked to the tv. No surprise that it was on the shopping channel. Then his eyes drifted downwards to the coffee table and couch. 

A large bottle sat on the table with a drinking glass next to it. The bottle was mostly empty and the glass had a quarter of the liquid amber remaining.

Steve immediately circled the couch as he looked on it. Danny was curled on his side, passed out and tear tracks could be seen on his face. He was surprised that Danny drank such hard alcohol. The only kind he ever saw his partner drink was beer.

Before he confronted his partner, he suddenly remembered that Danny had to pick up Grace. He quickly searched the house to see if the pre-teen was around. When he found the house empty, he was relieved.

Steve was making his way out of his partner's room when he noticed the calendar on the wall. Today’s date was circled. He sat there for a long moment until it clicked. He felt shock and shame crash through him.

“I’m an idiot.” He muttered out loud as he walked back to the living room. Today was the anniversary of Grace Tilwell’s death. He knelt down next to the couch and roughly shook Danny’s shoulder.

“Danny, wake up.” Steve shook some more when the Detective didn’t respond. Eventually, he got a groan and the fluttering of eyes opening. “Come on, buddy, wake up.”

The smaller man sloppily brushed away Steve’s hands. “Go away.” He slurred.

Steve grit his teeth and yanked Danny up onto his feet. Danny wavered, proving that he was unsteady on his feet. “Danny, how much have you drank?”

Danny’s eyes were glassy and his cheeks were red from the crying and alcohol. “I’m fine. Just need sleep.” He slurred out.

“Ok, if that’s how you want to play it.” Steve dropped Danny back on the couch and went back to Danny’s bedroom. In the back of his closet, the SEAL found the bag of cop gear. He dug around until he found a breathalyzer. Grabbing it, he raced back to Danny.

Yanking him back up to a sitting position, Steve turned the item on and shoved the tip in between Danny’s lips. “Blow.” He commanded.

Thankfully, with Danny so out of it, he obeyed the command without complaint. When he was done, Steve read the number. The display showed .16 in stark black lettering. Danny was beyond drunk.

“Shit!” Steve said as he threw the breathalyzer onto the coffee table and yanked Danny up. He couldn’t talk to his partner in this state. “Come on, you're getting a shower.” The SEAL didn’t wait for a response.

He dragged Danny to the master bathroom where he stripped Danny of his clothes. After being partners for so long, they have seen each other in various degrees of undress, so this didn’t bother him. 

Once Danny was undressed, Steve also stripped and then dragged them both into the shower. He turned the cold water on full blast, making sure Danny was completely under the spray.

The cold water shocked Danny into more awareness, but it also made him begin to vomit. Steve held Danny’s arms to steady him as he leaned over, throwing up the majority of the liquid that was in his stomach. The stench was horrendous and Steve had to breathe out of his mouth to help deal with it. 

Eventually, Danny finished and shakily straightened back up. Steve held him close, back to chest to steady him. He pushed the wet hair out of Danny’s face. The smaller man was shivering so hard that it looked like it physically hurt.

Steve turned off the water and carefully walked them out of the shower. He had Danny sit on the toilet before he grabbed a towel and dried his partner off. He quickly dried himself before putting his clothes back on. The SEAL went into the room and found some sweats, boxers and tshirt for Danny.

He helped Danny dress and then pulled him to the kitchen where he had him sit in a chair. Steve went to the coffee table, grabbed what was left of the whiskey and dumped down the kitchen sink.

Then, Steve made a quick meal of scrambled eggs and toast along with the largest glass he could find filled to the brim with water. He placed all items in front of Danny before he sat down. “Eat and then when you are more sober, you’re going straight to bed.”

Danny didn’t speak, but he complied and scarfed down the food. Steve made sure he drank the entire glass of water and then he refilled it. He made it clear that Danny was supposed to drink the second glass as well.

Once the plate was clean, Steve rinsed it off and placed it in the dishwasher. Then he picked up the water glass and dragged Danny to his bedroom where he pushed him in bed. He shoved the water into Danny’s shaky hands. 

“I’m fine, you know.” Danny muttered as he sipped the water.

Steve shook his head and sat down next to his best friend. “Like hell. Why would you drink that much, Danny? You of all people should know how dangerous that can be. Especially if you haven’t eaten anything all day.”

The Detective glared at him. “Not true.” Steve lifted an eyebrow in disbelief. “I had dinner.”

“Did you? How much? Keep in mind, I know you.” Steve challenged.

Danny hesitated before he looked away, staring at his bare feet. “About a cup.” He said quietly.

Steve sighed. Usually he would rub in his victory, but this wasn’t the time for such a petty competition. “Danny, that’s hardly anything. You could have easily gotten alcohol poisoning without anything to help absorb that much alcohol. And you were alone.”

“I know, ok. It was stupid, I just needed…” The blonde trailed off, his voice cracking, eyes becoming moist.

The SEAL immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. “Danny, I know what today is.” The upset blonde looked at him surprised. “Admittedly, I didn’t realize it until I got here, but I’m here now. Please, tell me what is going through your head.” 

Danny sighed as he tried to clear his eyes with the back of a hand. “It’s just...I don’t...I hate this day.” He stuttered out brokenly. Tears that he tried to prevent ran down his face and he gave up trying to stop them. 

Steve gently squeezed him to draw his attention back to him. “I thought you had Grace tonight.”

“I did.” He swallowed and cleared his throat. “We had dinner and then I took her back to Rachel’s.”

The events clicked into place for the brunette. “You started drinking after you dropped off Grace.”

“Yeah.”

“Why drink now? I’ve never seen you drink anything other than beer.”

If possible, Danny seemed to sag even lower than he was already. Hands brushing through his messy hair, “I needed to just forget. Make my mind blank. I couldn’t handle them.” 

Feeling worry beginning to stir, Steve leaned forward a little so he could look at his face. “What couldn’t you handle?”

“I can’t... I can’t handle the memories. How happy Grace was when we were on a case, how she would drive my car like you. How young she was and that I was jealous of her youth. How helpless I felt when those idiots…” Danny started rambling so fast that Steve was afraid he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen.

Steve moved so he could crouch in front of Danny, who was now sobbing uncontrollably. “Hey, hey, Danny, calm down. Take a slow, deep breath.” He couched his partner through a breathing exercise until the rhythm was slower. “Danny, what has made you so upset?”

The blonde took a shaky breath. “Grace...Grace asked me who she was named after.”

The SEAL felt a stab of sympathy through his chest. “Aw, man. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.” He stood up and pulled Danny into a tight hug. The blonde grabbed onto him, fingers buried tightly in the SEAL’s shirt. “I got you, buddy. Just let it out.”

Steve wasn’t sure if it was how close they were or the residual alcohol making him extremely emotional, but Danny began to sob. Gut wrenching wails against Steve as he let out all of his pain that he had bottled up for years. The brunette merely held on tighter, trying to bring comfort to his distraught best friend.

After an hour, Steve helped tuck a sleeping Danny into bed after crying himself to sleep. The SEAL sighed and went into the bathroom to grab some ibuprofen and refilled the glass of water. He placed the items on the nightstand closest to his partner.

He checked the house, making sure it was secure for the night before he took his shoes off and made himself comfortable next to Danny. He fell asleep, prepared to wake the moment that Danny makes any kind of movement.

~S~

The next morning, Steve wakes up around 8:00, later than he normally does. Looking at his partner, he finds that Danny is still deeply asleep. The SEAL gets up and does his morning ablution before making his way to the kitchen. He started a pot of coffee while he texted the cousins, letting them know that he and Danny would not be going into the office.

He made a simple breakfast while he waited for their response. They rolled in fairly quickly letting him know that if they needed anything to call them. He just placed breakfast on plates, when he heard a groan and a stumble in the doorway. Steve turned and saw his partner holding a hand to his head while learning heavily against the counter.

“Good morning, sleepy head.” He said cheerfully. “How’s the hangover?’ He turned back to the plates and carried them to the table.

Danny shuffled over to the table and practically fell into a chair. “The next time I mention that I want to drink whiskey, remind me about the killer hot poker that is stabbing me in the head and the hurricane that’s currently stirring in my stomach.” He groaned as another painful stomach spasm hit him.

“Well, Danno, try to eat some toast and see if that helps you feel better.” Steve said as he refilled his mug and filled a second one. He brought both to the table and sat down. “By the way, I called into work for the both of us. So, we’re hanging out.”

Danny stared at him through bloodshot eyes. “Why would you do that?”

Steve stopped mid way to his mouth with a forkful of eggs. “Because it’s the logical thing to do. I mean look at you, you can barely sit up. You really think you can make it through an entire day of work?”

The blonde rolled his eyes, but regretted it as it made his pounding headache worse. “You are a neanderthal control freak. I can make my own decisions.”

“Ok, you want to go to work? I think we are supposed to go visit someone at the shooting range today.” Steve snarked around a mouthful of food.

Danny sighed and groaned as he nibbled on the dry toast in front of him. “Fine, I’ll stay here. Animal.” He muttered the last part as he happily took a large drink of coffee.

Steve smiled at his victory and polished off his plate. Danny fidgeted between bites of toast for a few minutes. “Thank you, by the way, for...um...you know, taking care of me last night.” He finally mumbled, feeling ashamed of his state last night.

The SEAL debated on whether or not he should rub it in, but taking one look at his partner and he could see how raw Danny’s emotions still were. “You’re welcome.” He said instead and got up to take care of the dishes.

The rest of the day, the two hung out while Danny nursed his hangover. The next day they were back to normal and returned to work. Neither one mentioned the meltdown Danny had that night, but Steve was always made sure to show his silent support to his partner when he needed it.


End file.
